I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
