Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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