worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
