True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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