i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
