ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
