SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
