"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
