I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
