You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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