Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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