Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dick very happy bro
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
