I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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