I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
