I seem to have left my pride at pride
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
