rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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