went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
