u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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