How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
