she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
