forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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