No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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