the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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