Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
