come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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