You really coming over, don't trick.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
