Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize