508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
