I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
