Sry I called you an 8
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
