Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
