At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
