what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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