Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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