we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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