I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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