so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
