i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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