my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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