I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
