some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
