Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
