Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
