I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
