so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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