Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
