So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize