He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
