I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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