Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
