so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
