Christians are straight up FREAKS
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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