So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
