i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
