Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
