oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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