i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
