My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize