no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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