I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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