i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
