the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
