I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
