I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
