It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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