I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
