South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
