i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
