Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
