R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
