When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
