my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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