So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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