she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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