so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
