He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
