I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
