I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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