She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
