I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
