I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
