Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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