forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
