He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
