I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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