so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
