You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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