they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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