I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
