Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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