it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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