I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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