Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
