toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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