Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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