Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
