We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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