we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
