i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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